Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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