I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
