guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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