I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize