You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
