I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
