tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize