he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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