I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
