You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i barfeds in our rink
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
