Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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