he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
