I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
