fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
