she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
