You smell like stripper and shame
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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