I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
