I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
