Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
