Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
