i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
