Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
