____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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