Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
