Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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