She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
