Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
