Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize