Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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