my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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