U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
