I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
