I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
