I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize