you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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