Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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