I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
