And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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