you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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