I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
