I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
