she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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