I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She said her name was "party"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
