oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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