this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize