THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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