goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
