would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
