The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I smell stomach acid.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
