I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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