just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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