I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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