sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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