Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
