I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
