This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
