how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
