so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
