Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
