I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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