all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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