Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
