how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
