My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
