I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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