sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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