Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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