Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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