So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
