I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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