you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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