So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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