Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize