Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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