I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
