She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
