please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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