just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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