i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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