It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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