just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
