i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
