Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
