evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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