Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
