just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize