We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
