you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
