this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
