just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize