i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
