A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
