dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
