"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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