Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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